Module 2 Reflection

“The primary task for this period is that young adults come to terms with their family of origin—a powerful shaper of reality, influencing who, when, how, and whether they will marry and how they will carry out all succeeding stages of the family life cycle.” (McGoldrick&Carter, 2002, p.384)

I grew up in a seemingly small suburban town.  To this day I can still name and recognize most of my graduating class from high school.  The social pressures that I felt during adolescence were not unlike what many young girls face like fitting in, choosing the right clothing, finding the right hairstyle, and being “cool” overall.  I was fairly confident in myself as I had many friends, participated in many activities, and enjoyed the time that I spent at school and socially.  I never felt pressured to do drugs or drink, I simply felt that those weren’t the right choices for me and declined when my friends participated.  I was not ostracized for my decisions; I was accepted.

The pressure that I did feel came from my home life.  My family was unlike other families in my orbit.  My parents were divorced, and I lived with my stepfather and stepsisters, as well as my much younger half brother.  My father lived down the street with another woman.  I felt different than others because my friends’ parents were mostly all still married. 

If the primary task for a young adult is to come to terms with their family of origin, which is supposedly a powerful shaper of who we are to become as adults, what happens when the family of origin leaves a young adult lost and confused?  The social pressure that I felt was indirect.  My family was different and I was extremely angry with my parents, all three of them, for putting my life in such a precarious position.  I was angry that I had no control over what was going on in my life, and I was angry that no one ever spoke about it. 

I responded to these circumstances in different ways.  As angry as I was at my parents, all I wanted to do was please them and so I did all that I could to be a high academic achiever, All-State volleyball player, captain of every team, Eagle of the Cross recipient, and all around “good-girl”.  I saw how my older sisters, who were not making good choices were perceived by my family, and I was anxious to avoid the same perception. 

I remained in my “good girl” bubble, but coped with the social and internal pressure to be perfect with an insidious eating disorder.  The pressure that I felt to deal with my family issues by myself and please everyone else at the same time led to turmoil in my life that I was not equipped to deal with.  I found solace in silently suffering through my eating disorder…a suffering that felt good to me. 

Ironically, the same things that I was struggling to cope with, my family and the social pressure to be perfect were the social supports that helped me.  Although my family life was not perfect, I loved my family dearly and tried my hardest to be the peacekeeper and open the lines of communication for everyone to talk, although no one ever did.  My social circle in school was also a great comfort to me.  I was happiest at school, with my friends, at practice, and at youth group. 

In reflection, there were social supports that would have been positive influences for me.  I would have benefited from psychotherapy or family therapy.  When my parents divorced, we moved in with my stepfamily, my mother became pregnant, and my mother and stepfather married (in that order), a family discussion about circumstances would have helped all of us process what was happening together.  It would have been beneficial to have some dialogue, whether with my family or a social service professional to help me through these changing times in my life. 

            My family of origin did help shape me; but in many ways it was a learning experience about what I didn’t want to have happen in my future.  It was a way for me to realize the important qualities and characteristics that a solid family foundation should maintain.  The struggles that I faced only serve now as a precedent of power and strength to persevere through trials and tribulations.

Reference

McGoldrick, M. and Carter, B. (2002). The family life cycle. In F. Walsh

(Ed.) Normal family processes; Growing diversity and complexity (3rd ed.),

chapter 14, pp. 375-398. New York: Guilford Press.